Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
