well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
