**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
