I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
