my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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