i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
