he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
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She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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