i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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