a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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