Redeem this text for a blowjob
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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