I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
