Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
