u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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