i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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