Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Randomize
