these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
