Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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