My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I smell like Dick and happiness
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
