who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
