You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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