Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
