PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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