Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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