When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
