Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
