the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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