I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
