I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
