Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
