i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
