I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
