You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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