This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We left the knife in your bed.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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