yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
