Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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