Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize