Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
