i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
