I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You have to summon your inner elephant
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
