if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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