Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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