I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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