Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
