You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Say something about gay babies.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
