Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
