I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
