Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
