ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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