Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
