So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
