So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.