This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS