so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas