Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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