Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.

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  (202): I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar. http://tfl.nu/npd2
  Replies (7) Good night (2877) Bad night (767)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.

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  (352): You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem. http://tfl.nu/rwe9
  Replies (12) Good night (5169) Bad night (740)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.

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  (847): she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick. http://tfl.nu/abnm
  Replies (20) Good night (8062) Bad night (1320)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?

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  (901): How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games? http://tfl.nu/94zu
  Replies (14) Good night (4361) Bad night (898)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

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  (403): Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me. http://tfl.nu/6qnx
  Replies (23) Good night (11549) Bad night (1364)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you

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  (425): if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you http://tfl.nu/ohu0
  Replies (13) Good night (5560) Bad night (1267)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10

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  (559): Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10 http://tfl.nu/1xln
  Replies (13) Good night (7120) Bad night (1059)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...

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  (979): I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to... http://tfl.nu/okbj
  Replies (29) Good night (4177) Bad night (1633)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.

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  (309): I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar. http://tfl.nu/nec2
  Replies (8) Good night (3706) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk

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  (617): it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk http://tfl.nu/xjgo
  Replies (4) Good night (1437) Bad night (2619)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season

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  (860): I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season http://tfl.nu/sdcu
  Replies (6) Good night (1866) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"

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  (334): Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!" http://tfl.nu/kpjr
  Replies (4) Good night (1115) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.

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  (443): I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done. http://tfl.nu/8szd
  Replies (10) Good night (1443) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help

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  (646): The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help http://tfl.nu/rosq
  Replies (6) Good night (537) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..

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  (914): low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen.. http://tfl.nu/o2yv
  Replies (2) Good night (377) Bad night (683)

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