his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
