So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
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Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper