Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i really like this girl i slept with last night

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you ask her out again?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married

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  (703): i really like this girl i slept with last night (202): you ask her out again? (703): yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married http://tfl.nu/y34d
  Replies (7) Good night (2856) Bad night (2402)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.

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  (617): it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before. http://tfl.nu/1u0r
  Replies (20) Good night (684) Bad night (3767)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.

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  (678): I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job. http://tfl.nu/y0of
  Replies (13) Good night (984) Bad night (3354)
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  (415): View more from California

  Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".

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  (415): Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed". http://tfl.nu/ptkf
  Replies (54) Good night (8201) Bad night (3470)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"

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  (606): I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?" http://tfl.nu/ecul
  Replies (56) Good night (1076) Bad night (5139)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.

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  (905): My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed. http://tfl.nu/zkjg
  Replies (21) Good night (4602) Bad night (2175)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...

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  (814): I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up... http://tfl.nu/nkqy
  Replies (13) Good night (2982) Bad night (2615)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  she fell through a window trying to flash someone

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  (708): she fell through a window trying to flash someone http://tfl.nu/c9dp
  Replies (12) Good night (4521) Bad night (1671)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"

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  (804): she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart" http://tfl.nu/96tn
  Replies (5) Good night (2975) Bad night (1104)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.

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  (201): Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin. http://tfl.nu/tejt
  Replies (2) Good night (1230) Bad night (460)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.

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  (224): Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test. http://tfl.nu/65e0
  Replies (10) Good night (641) Bad night (1178)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.

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  (407): You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window. http://tfl.nu/325b
  Replies (5) Good night (908) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.

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  (218): He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small. http://tfl.nu/riyf
  Replies (17) Good night (369) Bad night (2525)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap

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  (703): I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap http://tfl.nu/q0tw
  Replies (1) Good night (441) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions

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  (301): At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions http://tfl.nu/y4pr
  Replies (1) Good night (555) Bad night (275)

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