I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
