I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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