so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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