How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
